Thursday, 13 December 2012

Youth Defence U-Turn: Abortion May Be Only Choice In Some Cases

Rio: Anti- Choice For Women group, Youth Defence, today announced that its "No Choice For Women In Any Circumstances" platform was going to be altered. PornCrabCombo was given an audience with Youth Defence's Duchess, Maleficent La Douche. We were excited to hear about the softening of Youth Defence's stance on abortion and were ushered into the throne room to meet Ms. La Douche, where she read out the following prepared statement.
Sights like this will become a thing of the past.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

"Talking About Abortion Made Me An Abortion Addict"

Rio: Last night's Dail debate on abortion legislation was eagerly awaited and became quite spirited.
This is where it'll lead: Abortion Rave In England

Friday, 9 November 2012

Ministers Organise Sale Of Work To Raise Funds For Bondholder Payments

Rio: Irish government ministers, always at the forefront of fundraising activities, have been forced into the embarrassing position of having to organise a monster Sale of Work in order to fund  payments to bondholders.

Come Along And Support Your Bondholders

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Enda Kenny To Receive Marcéhal Pétain European Of The Year Award From Grateful Germans Tonight

Rio: Tonight, in Germany, Taoiseach Enda Kenny will receive his well deserved, European of the Year award from some top ranking Germans.
 
Enda Kenny. Just One In A Long Line Of True Europeans

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Fine Gael: Every Child Matters, (Other than pikeys and yokes like that)

Rio: Fine Gael launched their Every Child Matters campaign today in support of a yes vote in the children's rights referendum.
This One Matters

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Kenny Supports Tallaght Hospital Overdraft: "Yiz Know It Makes Sense Lads"

Rio: Taoiseach Enda Kenny has come out in support of Tallaght Hospital in its plan to keep the hospital open by getting a multi million euro bank overdraft.
Wait a minute...Kenny Time!

Monday, 27 August 2012

UK: Destruction of the NHS? Look over there! Is that a naked rich man?

Rio: Following Prince Harry's 'Naked Romp' in Vegas last week, where pictures of same appeared all over international  news websites, British politicians and future experts are saying they expect more 'Naked Cavortings' to come to light in the near future.

Important News

Rape Expert Politicians Find 'Friendly Rape' Can Be Fun

Rio: The ongoing Conference of Rape Experts in Rio has announced its first agreed finding this morning.
Potential Real Rape Victim

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Privacy For Martin Mc Guinness Queen Hand Job:"Im Not Mature Enough To Go Public Yet"

Rio: It is an historic day for Ireland as yet again, a hand situation is at the top of the political agenda. Historically, most of the Irish issues with hand jobs have centred round Ulster.
The Queen And Martin Today: How close will they come?

Friday, 15 June 2012

Euro 2012: Fields Of Athenry Tops Charts in Spain And Germany

Rio: The Irish ballad,The Fields of Athenry, has topped the pop charts in both Spain and Germany today. The Spanish Soccer team has adopted the well loved folk ballad as their official team song and this is the suspected cause of its meteoric rise to the top of the charts since last night.

Low Lying Fields Today

Euro Collapse: Ailwee Caves Being Prepared For Government

Rio: It has emerged today, that governments all over the world are making preparations for the Post-Euro Apocalypse period. Ireland is making contingency plans as it is feared that the Greeks might not vote correctly on Sunday. PornCrabCombo has received the text of the address that Enda Kenny is expected to make to the nation this evening.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel In New Government Buildings

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Irish Times:Plato Was German!

Rio: The Irish Times, in its 'Moment of Truth' section, is reporting today, that archaeologists, working in Frankfurt, have made findings which will turn European and therefore, world history, on its head.
Not Greek After All

Neil Ramsgrange reports, "The findings, in what was supposed to be a routine dig for Turks in a Frankfurt cellar, have surprised the world's top archaeologists and historians. The archaeologists and historical researchers were expecting to come across some pieces of eight or perhaps, Lewis Carroll's Alice, who may have fallen down a hole there. Instead, they unearthed the very ancient remains of several people. Some two days later, after very meticulous research by the EU Commission of Researchiness, the bodies revealed themselves to be those of Plato, Aristotle, Archimedes and Homer. Surprised by their findings, as all four were previously assumed to be Greek, the researchers did more tests and found that all four actually had blonde hair, blue eyes and were fiscally stable and tax compliant. Max Von Cunthoek of Bank of Research, the Netherlands based thinky tanky banky thingy, said of the findings, "We were shocked at first as lots of Western philosophy and stuff is based upon the work of these gents and we were always told that they were Greek. However, we had long suspected that this was unlikely to be the case, as Greeks are all filthy, fat, lazy homosexuals who wouldn't move to scratch their own arses. Not the kind of people who could solve complicated sums as Archimedes did or write psychological thrillers of Plato's standard. Still, finding these bodies, buried together in Frankfurt, was initially a surprise but when further research revealed that they were from pure Germanic stock and never had anything to do with Greece, it just made sense of everything really. They had full wallets and were fully tax compliant. In a separate grave, we also found the remains of Euclid and Herodotus. Research on those bodies revealed they were both American, worked for ExxonMobil and had a large supply of ancient feta with them for their journey to the netherworld. Tests on the feta proved that, surprisingly, it was not of Greek origin either but had actually been made in Wisconsin, thereby debunking another Greek myth.'" The Irish Times editorial today,commenting on the reports asked, "You couldn't be up to them Greeks wha'? They'll literally steal anything from us, the real Europeans, even our ancients. Stavros! Stavros! Stavros! Out! Out! Out!"

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

ESRI Finds ESRI Would Be Better Off On The Dole

 Rio: An ESRI report which was launched yesterday and then hastily removed from public view, was said to contain some shocking findings.
ESRI Pie Charts Showing Facts And Figures About Dole Bums

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Michael Noonan: Sunshine Moratorium Until Certainty Is Restored

Rio: Michael Noonnan announced a moratorium on sunshine today in the run up to the referendum on the Fisting Treaty.
Michael Noonan Gets Fisty

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Alan Shatter: IPSC Cyberbullying Caused Me To Marry My Own Twin Sister

Rio: Alan Shatter, in a press release today, confessed that he, like Dervish, has been the victim of cyberbullying at the hands of the IPSC.
The Twins After Their Re Attachment Op

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Uncertainty And Instability Kills 12 In Cork And Kerry

Rio: The death toll in the Cork and Kerry Uncertainty Epidemic is expected to rise in the coming days, Taoiseach Enda Kenny said today. In an attempt to stem the panic spreading across the country since people began to die in Munster this week, the Taoiseach addressed the nation.
The Uncertain Dead Laid Out On The Roof Of The English Market

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Harvard Research Team Discovers Person Who Gives A Shit About Republican Presidential Nomination

Rio: A Harvard research team, which had been working on a project to find intelligent life in the Capitol Hill area of Washington D.C., stumbled upon a find that has thrown all previously held beliefs of the scientific community, into disarray.
Capitol Hill Where Coelacanth And Chester Were Found

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Enda Kenny Urges Yes Vote In Austerity Treaty Referendum: "Europeans Will Laugh At Us Otherwise And That'd Be Terrible Altogether"

Rio: Taoiseach Enda Kenny, just before the ICTU vote on its recommendation regarding the Austerity Treaty, has appealed to Congress and the public at large to support the government by voting yes to ratify the treaty.
All Things European. Yes We Can!!

Friday, 20 April 2012

Water Charges: Mickey Meters To Be Installed By The End Of The Year

Rio: Irish Minister for Slobbering, Phil Hogan, revealed today that metering of water in Ireland will be more rigorous than previously expected.
Decorative Version Of Proposed Mickey Meter(Extra Charge Will Apply)

Friday, 13 April 2012

Bushjazzle: Could The Hairy Vagina Craze Actually Take Off?

Rio: We've all heard of some wacky things going on in the female nether regions of late but the latest craze that could be coming to a pubic area near you could be the final straw for women trying to keep up with naughty grooming trends.
Could this vision of normality become a thing of the past?   

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Breaking News: CIA Checks PornCrabCombo

Rio :Evidence has emerged this week that the CIA has joined the many millions, worldwide, who are using PornCrabCombo as their primary source of information and news.

The Shocking Truth:CIA Information Gathering

Friday, 6 April 2012

Enda Kenny Has Face Kicked Into The Future: Injuries Not Life Threatening

Rio: Taoiseach Enda Kenny was, again, rushed to hospital last night having sustained severe facial injuries.
Mr KKKenny Speaks From His Hospital Bed Today

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Shock: No Excessive Salary For Minister Phil Hogan's Household Charge Special Adviser - Calls For National Strike

Rio: There was shock throughout Ireland today, when it was revealed that Minister Phil Hogan has not been breaking the government enforced pay cap through payments to his Special Adviser on the Household Charge.

Minister Phil Hogan Sneering Yesterday

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

"Gays Caused Our Marriage Breakdown!!"

Rio: In ever greater numbers, people are coming forward to tell their tales of heartache and lost love. Marriage breakdown is painful for all parties but is especially so, when outside forces are the primary cause of the break-up.

A Bride Who Just Discussed Gay Marriage

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Irish Oil Find: Obama Says US Military Taskforce En Route To Ireland

Rio: Following the confirmation of a large oil find off the coast of Co Cork, the US President today advised that the Pentagon has launched Operation Oily Leprachaun this morning.
US Democracy Upholders Land At Bantry Today

Friday, 16 March 2012

The Pouty, Spandex, Scissor-Kick, Knee-Slide Collection Vol. I

Tippi: The genius of these songs is only aparant when played at 11, otherwise they may be mistaken for shite:

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Sarkozy Denies Charge Of Nouveau Racisme- "I've Always Welcomed Bigotry"

Rio: Alarmed at Nicolas Sarkozy's  apparent change of fortunes in  polls this week, both French Socialist and National Front politicians, have accused the French President of nouveau racisme.

"Immigrants Have Horns On Their Heads"

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Irish Horse Tipped For Greatness in Cheltenham Gold Cup

Rio: Irish hopes for some big wins at the four day Cheltenham Festival, were given a welcome boost last night when Irish mare, The Irish People, was given a late entry into the Gold Cup, the festival's biggest race.

The Irish People, Rearing To Go This Morning

Friday, 9 March 2012

The Irish Good Times: Government Sells Entire Road Network To Shell

Rio: Irish newspaper of record, The Irish Good Times, is reporting more good news for the Irish economy today.

The New National Roads Authority Logo

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Irish Government Report Finds That Irish Government Is Really Good At Being The Irish Government

Rio: In the midst of all the doom and gloom and pointless negativity of the impoverished, Ireland received a welcome morale boost yesterday, when Taoiseach Enda Kenny and Tanaiste /Minister for Breathtaking Mendacity, Eamonn Gilmore, announced the findings of a report on the workings of the Irish government over the course of its first year. At the press conference, held on the crouched backs of  twenty Filipinos, outside Leinster House, the two men beamed, while delivering the news that things are on the up for the beleagured country, as its government is top notch.

Mr Gilmore Prepares To Display His Old Lad

Friday, 20 January 2012

Pat Rabbitte: Dog Licence and Voting Charge To Apply To All

Rio: Pat Rabbitte, Minister for Duplicitous Rhetoric has announced a raft of new taxes and charges in the wake of his proposal that a new 'Communications Charge' would replace the old TV Licence fee.
Pat Rabbitte Buying A Licence For Someone Else's Dog

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Diane Abbott Says "Sorry About Slavery" In Twitter Race Row

Rio: British Shadow Health Secretary and notable black person, Diane Abbott has apologised today for causing a huge public row with comments she made on Twitter.

Some White People Neither Dividing Nor Conquering

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Mayan Fella Reveals Reason For 2012 Prophecy: "We Were Fuckin'Fed Up With The Same Old Shit Hombre"

Rio: A genuine Mayan fella spoke to PornCrabCombo from his hut in Chichen Itza today about the controversial long cycle Mayan calender which appears to end on December 21st 2012. The ending of the Mayan calender on that date has sparked fears that the world will end in some really scary way before 2012's end. Buluc Chat, wearing a loincloth with his arse bare, like a total Mayan, welcomed us into his home.

Mayan Woman Says "Sorry about the apocalyptic prophecy an' all but facts is facts"

Enda Kenny State Of The Obvious New Year Address

Rio: Taoiseach Enda Kenny will address the nation once more in a New Year's speech which will be televised this week. "He has been so buoyed up by the excellent feedback he received from Fine Gael party members after his last State of The Nation speech, that he has decided he should bring more words of wisdom to the beleaguered Irish public, in its hour of need. He will be using the same speech writers too, as he admired their professionalism and indeed will use some of his favourite lines from the previous address", said a spokesperson for the Fine Gael Party Sunday Independent newspaper.
Enda Kenny Talks Death Today