Friday, 9 November 2012

Ministers Organise Sale Of Work To Raise Funds For Bondholder Payments

Rio: Irish government ministers, always at the forefront of fundraising activities, have been forced into the embarrassing position of having to organise a monster Sale of Work in order to fund  payments to bondholders.

Come Along And Support Your Bondholders

 The news follows on from last month's Table Quiz, arranged to raise much needed funds for the upkeep of the facade of James O'Reilly's stately home. Head of the Government Fundraising Committee, Enda Kenny, said today, "Thanks to PornCrabCombo for giving our Sale of Work a nice bit of publicity. We're hoping the weather clear up over the weekend as we were hoping to have most of the stalls outside the front of government buildings. We are putting up some fairy lights and making it seem all Christmassy. We hope to attract people from the local area as well as some passing tourists as, a lot of the time, it's just ourselves, mostly, buying up the teddies and bric a brac. It takes an army of us to organise an event like this, setting up stalls and working all day. We all pitch in, though. James O'Reilly will be running a GP's clinic where patients can donate what they can afford. There'll be a Rest and Relaxation area, where you can get a massage, practice yoga or get some acupuncture done. There'll be a cafe, all produce by  Dail members! Of course Leo Varadkar is doing all the massges, yoga, acupuncture and running the cafe. He's also directing traffic. He's a bit of an expert in those areas. It's sad to say but we must do this. The funds simply aren't there for this month's €1.5 billion payment to bondholders. We're constantly having to fundraise. It's a raffle here, a Social Night there. We need these funds, the bondholders need these funds, so, we do what we can. It's a hard slog but to put it simply, all the money that should be going directly to bondholders, is being siphoned off and is now going directly to line the pockets of schools and hospitals. We are the laughing stock of Europe! Children are getting excellent teaching, their schools are fully equipped. Millions of euros are wasted on paying for adequate SNA's and Travellers, (yes you heard right, Travellers), are being provided with extra educational supports to allow them the luxury of an education. All the while our Dutch, British and German bondholders are left waiting for their money. It's like being back in the dark ages. Only last week, it came to my attention that all hospitals are fully staffed, waiting lists are down to zero and no one was lying on a trolley anywhere in any A&E Department. In fact, a man in Rialto told me, that he was given enough oxygen in order to keep him alive. Enough oxygen! For free! Add to this the fact that we have to fundraise for ministerial allowances and expenses because, as of next year, not one of us will be in a position to go to the Seychelles for St Patrick's Day and you have a recipe for constant hard work on our part, slogging away, selling the raffle tickets, organising the race nights. It's tough but while money keeps being sucked out of the system and given to schools and hospitals, we have no choice. I could hardly hold me head up at that European of the Year Award thingy in Germany. The German lads were pissing themselves thinking of what fools we are. Got to go now, next week's Bake Sale won't organise itself lads."  

No comments:

Post a Comment