Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Irish Oil Find: Obama Says US Military Taskforce En Route To Ireland

Rio: Following the confirmation of a large oil find off the coast of Co Cork, the US President today advised that the Pentagon has launched Operation Oily Leprachaun this morning.
US Democracy Upholders Land At Bantry Today

In a press statement, the President said, "We are aware that there have been ongoing issues with democracy in Ireland. We are working with our EU and NATO partners on this one. Significantly, our decision to assist the Irish in their desperate struggle for democracy comes only days after St Patrick's Day. There have been several attempts to destabilise democracy in Ireland over the past number of years, for example, there were two No votes in referenda pertaining to pro-EU constitutional changes. Luckily, the Irish were able to snatch back their hold on democracy on those occasions, by overturning those votes;and simply voting until they gave the correct answer. I and the democraticaly elected leader of Ireland and good buddy of mine, Enda Kelly fear the worst is yet to come. There will shortly be another vote on whether to be democratic or not. Terrorist forces are at work in Ireland at present. Enda, a vertiable emperor of democracy, fears that these forces might make another attempt to destroy democracy in Ireland. Additionally, it now appears that there is a large amount of oil in the waters surrounding Ireland. There is evidence, which we will present at some time in the future, when we have made up the photos, that terrorist elements in Ireland are planning to use this oil, not to heat their homes, but to make a huge petrol bomb. This bomb will be a Weapon of Mass Destruction, in the classical sense of the words. Elements which have been terrorising Shell workers in Co Mayo are said to be preparing technical systems in the centre of Croagh Patrick to enable these WMD's. We cannot allow this to happen. Ireland is our friend. My information is that Navy Seals have landed in Bantry Bay and are already democratizing the shit out of the local population. We stand shoulder to shoulder with Enda Kelly"

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