Friday, 20 January 2012

Pat Rabbitte: Dog Licence and Voting Charge To Apply To All

Rio: Pat Rabbitte, Minister for Duplicitous Rhetoric has announced a raft of new taxes and charges in the wake of his proposal that a new 'Communications Charge' would replace the old TV Licence fee.
Pat Rabbitte Buying A Licence For Someone Else's Dog
In an effort to increase revenue for RTE in order that it might be in a position to pay Pat Kenny an extortionate amount of money to help fund his next legal defence of a land grab, Mr Rabbitte announced that the Communications Charge will apply not only to those in possession of a television set but also to all those who might have seen a TV in passing sometime but who definitely do not actually own one. "Some people are watching telly on their phones out on the street. We can't even just apply this to households or homeowners because I'm sure we've all seen homeless people with their big hungry eyes practically eating up the telly through the windows of that big Philips shop at the end of George's Street in Dublin. It simply wouldn't be fair not to charge every man, woman and child in this country for the telly"
Today, Mr Rabbitte went further and announced new charges that are outside his ministerial remit. "We are going to bring forward some additional charges, not taxes, charges. In discussion with my cabinet colleagues last night, a glaring anomaly reared its ugly head. If we are to charge everyone for the telly even if they don't have a telly nor do they watch the telly, then we must also enforce a Dog Licence Charge upon all citizens. It is simply unfair that dog owners must pay to have a dog licence but that those who enjoy dogs by means other than ownership get off scot free. We know, in these modern times, that people pet dogs, talk to them, borrow them, throw sticks for them, even when they do not own them. From 2013, everyone must hold a dog licence in order to redress this imbalance. Furthermore, it has come to our attention, that people in this country have been enjoying  free voting rights since the foundation of the state. We must claw back some of the money spent on the very expensive election posters. From the next election, which Max Von Cunthook of the ECB says can take place in 2050, there will be a charge imposed for voting. In the interests of fairness, those who are members of the Fine Gael or Labour Parties, will be exempt from the charge but will have a Party Voter cast their vote for them. If one wants a free, unsupervised vote, one can expect to pay a nominal fee of 50K. This will eliminate a lot of the messing that goes on in polling booths. Some of the money earned from these new measures will be used to assist young people with their 'lifestyle emigration' plans. We are thinking in the round"

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