Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Ireland Grants Province Of Connaught To Shell

Rio: Minister for Duplicitous Rhetoric, Pat Rabbitte, today announced that he had made a democratic decision on the exploitation of Ireland's natural gas and oil resources off the West coast of the country. His decision came as a shock to many as he has been involved in heated exchanges with journalist, Fintan O'Toole, over the past number of days regarding Mr O'Toole's public denouncement of Mr Rabbitte's treatment of the issue of granting licences to oil exploration multinationals to exploit the Irish waters.

Mr Rabbitte Looking For Something A Little More Bouffant For His Press Conference This Morning

Monday, 29 August 2011

Qadaffi Considering Run For Irish Presidency

Rio: It has been revealed that Colonel Qadaffi is considering an invitation, by Micheal Martin, to run for the office of Irish President. It is understood, by PornCrabCombo, that in a late night phonecall to Qadaffi's hiding place in a US naval base, in Qatar, Mr Martin, Fianna Fail leader, gave assurances that Mr Qadaffi would run purely as an independent candidate and would not be associated with Fianna Fail in anyway.

Qadaffi Emerging From Nato Hammam Today

New Data: PornCrabCombo Gets The News To You 79 Million Times Faster Than The Sunday Independent!

Rio: New media data released today, reveals the shocking fact that micro, (but very high quality), news outlet, PornCrabCombo brings you the latest news 79 million times faster than the Sunday Independent. In an explosive, exclusive report, issued on the 16th of August, 2011, entitled, "Gay Byrne: The Real Reason I Gave Up The Aras", PornCrabCombo revealed the shocking truth behind Gay Byrne's decision not to run for the Presidency of Ireland. Gay Byrne claimed that after he had made some statements, critical of the EU and of its control of Ireland, he was visited and kidnapped by a horde of flying monkeys.

Gay Byrne Today

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Obama and Michael Morell Thank Gaddafi

Rio: In a joint statement, made at the White House this morning, President Obama and Acting Head of the CIA, Michael Morell, sent out a message of gratitude to Colonel Gaddafi.

Photo Of Colonel Gaddafi Issued to Every American Household

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Tony Blair Found In Gadaffi's Tripoli Compound

Rio: Libyan forces seeking to overthrow Libyan leader, Colonel Gadaffi, got more than they bargained for, last night, when they managed to overrun his secure compound in Tripoli.

A Truly Contrite, Tony Blair, Today

Monday, 22 August 2011

Shock: Fine Gael Supports PornCrabCombo

Rio: PornCrabCombo was surprised to discover, today, that Fine Gael loves PornCrabCombo. A PornCrabCombo friend alerted us to the fact that she had posted some PornCrabCombo blogs on the Fine Gael Brussels Branch and UCD Young Fine Gael FB walls.
"I just thought they'd be interested in seeing the Fine Gael related news", the friend said. It seems they were interested as they've left these posts on their walls for several days.
Fine Gael Brussels Branch FB Wall In Support Of The 'Eat Cock, Live Free Program'

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Gay Byrne: Why I Really Gave Up The Aras

Rio: In a heartbreaking, exclusive interview with Hello magazine, published today, Gay Byrne revealed the real reasons behind his decision not to run for the Presidency of Ireland. He wept,

Gay Byrne Being Taken Away

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Nicolas Sarkozy: France Has No Problems, Financial Or Otherwise

Nicolas Sarkozy, Showing Where His Loyalities Lie
Rio: French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, launched a stinging attack on the world's media and international ratings agencies today, from the donkey pen in Angola where he is holidaying with his extremely beautiful wife, Carla. Angered by the rumours that France's credit rating is about to be downgraded and  rumours about the funding of one of France's best known financial institutions, Societe Generale, which have resulted in massive falls in the value of French banking shares, he screeched,

Sunday, 7 August 2011

Irish Presidential Race: How Gay Is Too Gay?

Rio: The race for the Aras is hotting up. The candidate leading in the polls, Senator David Norris, has removed himself from consideration. An Taoiseach, Enda Kenny commenting yesterday on the controversial campaigns for and against Mr Norris, said,
"Look lads, yiz know me, I can come on strong with the Catholic Church. I'm a flippin' hero for feck's sake. Did yiz hear what I said to them? I said to them I says, 'Yiz can't rape our children. It's against the law now' If I can be that brave lads and say that to some fellas in dresses who have no actual power over anyone at all, then yiz can't argue with me over anything else.That fella David Norris is gone and good feckin' riddance. No, it had nothing to do with him being a manhole inspector. Sure didn't I welcome that President of America fella here, no problem? And he's feckin' black lads. Not pure breed, I grant ye but yiz wouldn't mistake him for me brother or anything. That's how liberal I am lads.  Let's be clear about this, I have no problem with filthy dungpushers whatsoever. David Norris is a liberal, humanitarian. Sure, I have no problem with that either lads. It's the fact that he's a bad man, writing letters in support of other butt buddies. That's bad, That means he was too gay. I have it on good authority that this was the outfit that Norris had already selected  for his inauguration,
Senator David Norris's Inauguration Outfit

David Cameron: No Riots In Tottenham

Rio: After a night of violent protest in Tottenham, British Prime Minister spoke to the media from his holiday home in Mogadishu.
"There's been a lot of talk about this next song, maybe, maybe too much talk. This song is not a rebel song, this song is Sunday Bloody Sunday"
He was whisked away from the podium that had been hastily erected on the backs of crouching, starving, (but Islamist), children and returned, apologetically, moments later.
"I am frightfully sorry about that. I thought I was speaking to the Mick youth contingent for a moment. In fact, I am speaking to my homeboys back in London, innit? I can confirm that there have been no riots in Tottenham, London. If there had been, I would of seen it man innit?

Mr Cameron Being Briefed On Matters Occurring In London Last Night