Wednesday, 20 July 2011

David Cameron Full Statement On Phone Hacking Crisis

Rio: From the gates of the Hellmouth, David Cameron released a definitive statement on the phone hacking crisis in an effort to draw a line under the debacle,

Mr. Cameron Measures Puppy Girth

Police Explain Delay In Announcement Of Sean Hoare's Death

Rio: Coming out of retirement for one more statement on behalf of the UK Police today, Sir Paul Stephenson, tried to answer questions that have arisen due to the delay in announcing the fact that phone hacking whistleblower Sean Hoare had been found dead at his home.
"There is a simple explanation, not that we expect you public types to understand the intricacies of police investigations, for the delay of almost twelve hours before we made this public. Yes, the police entered the home of Mr. Hoare at approximately 10.30 am but this is the scene that confronted us:

Mr Hoare When Police Arrived

Rebekah Brooks Re-Arrested, Special Requests In Custody

Rio:  Rupert Murdoch's pet Rottweiler, Rebekah Brooks was shocked yesterday to be re-arrested while on bail.

Rebekah Scouting For Victims Yesterday

Monday, 18 July 2011

Phone Hack Whistleblower, Sean Hoare Death Due To Dr. David Kelly Syndrome

Rio: The journalist, Sean Hoare, who blew the lid off the illegal phone hacking scheme, when he stated that Andy Coulson, until recently, David Cameron's Communications Advisor, had specifically asked him to hack the phones of the people about whom he was writing, when Andy was his editor at the News of the World newspaper, was found dead in his home today. He was due to give evidence about what he knew to an investigating Commons committee tomorrow. Recently resigned head of the Metropolitan Police and personal friend of everyone in News International, Sir Paul Stephenson, released a statement on behalf of the Police.

Body Of Sean Hoare As It Was Found

Enda Kenny: What I'm Doing About Crisis In Hospital A&E Units

Rio: In a televised press conference from the Elysee Palace, where he is working as personal gimp to Monswaar Sarkozy, Irish Prime Minister, Enda Kenny read from a prepared statement,
"I never, in my life, let the people of the West down.

Enda Kenny: Why I Hate Gay Mitchell

Rio: Enda Kenny, in an unusual move, told the truth today. In a rare moment of honesty, Mr Kenny expressed his true feelings about the Fine Gael party's nomination of Gay Mitchell as its preferred Presidential candidate.

Enda's Displays His Licking Disability

Tony Blair : "I'm disgusted at all this News International Stuff"

Rio: Tony Blair, recently returned from the Vatican, where he was being fitted for outfits for his upcoming international role as Pope, claimed today that he is outraged at the revelations of the activities of the News International Group.
 He snorted line after line, while self flagellating and was clearly in distress as he spoke of the debacle that has now caused the resignations of two of the UK's top policemen and is threatening to bring down the current British government.

Friday, 8 July 2011

David Cameron Shocked at News of the World Debacle

Rio: British Prime Minister entered rehab to , 'have a rest' today. He has been under a lot of 'strain'. On the doorsteps of his rehab facility, Hedonism II in the Caribbean, Mr Cameron read from a statement prepared for him by Andy Coulson, former editor of the News of the World newspaper,

David Cameron Yesterday Listening To A Random Citizen's Phone Messages

Irish Voters Shock: Politician Didn't Do What He Promised

Rio: Irish voters in the Counties of Roscommon and Sligo are said to be reeling from a shocking incident this week.
"We wanted our emergency services to stay in the County hospital.

Irishman On Board 'Atlantis'- Last Space Shuttle Flight

Rio: In a last minute change of plans, an Irish politician has been added to the crew list of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. The last space shuttle flight, before the shuttle is decommissioned, due to take off from the Kennedy Space Centre, was to have been crewed by  American astronauts only.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

My 4th Of July

Rio: I'm only coming down from my 4th of July buzz now, Tippi. I decided  that I'd give it my all yesterday and celebrate all things American from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. I decided I would act as American as I could. So, I woke up real happy and smiley. I served my family their breakfast with a huge smile and gave them the best service they've ever had, ( it wasn't difficult as of course, we are Irish, so they weren't used to very high standards). Then I ate enough food for 12 people. I became instantly obese and complained for the next hour about society's prejudice against me.

Friday, 1 July 2011

Nicolas Sarkozy, Angela Merkel: Greeks Very Happy With Austerity Measures

Rio: In a joint statement issued from the EU/IMF hot tub filled with rejuvenating Irish baby blood, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy said today,
" We are very happy with how things are going in Greece and so are the Greeks. They are delighted that we, the Real Europeans, are giving them a handout and they love austerity measures. They are going to hand over all of their islands, some to us, some to Shell, BP and ELF. The sovereign state of Germany will own 40% of the Aegean waters and anything in them.

Eamonn Gilmore: What I'm Going To Do About MV Saoirse

Rio: Questioned, outside the Dail today, about the sabotage of the Irish ship MV Saoirse on its way to Gaza as part of a flotilla aiming to break the Israeli blockade and deliver humanitarian aid, Mr Gilmore said,
"I am going to do several things about this. I am going to shake my head now, in disgust. I am going to say that I am shocked at the endangerment of Irish lives.

French Socialist Party:Dominique Strauss Kahn Is Beautiful Non-Rapist Socialist

Rio: Martine Aubry, potential French Socialist Party presidential candidate today announced the joy of the French Socialist Party at the news that the prosecution case against Dominique Strauss Kahn is falling apart,
"I wish to express the gaiety that is being felt by the members of my party in France.