Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Uncertainty And Instability Kills 12 In Cork And Kerry

Rio: The death toll in the Cork and Kerry Uncertainty Epidemic is expected to rise in the coming days, Taoiseach Enda Kenny said today. In an attempt to stem the panic spreading across the country since people began to die in Munster this week, the Taoiseach addressed the nation.
The Uncertain Dead Laid Out On The Roof Of The English Market

 "Now, more than ever, it is of the utmost importance that we realise we are all in this together. We must all shoulder the burden of stamping out uncertainty and instability. These people need not have died. If you were one of the people who died, then you are no longer alive. Your death could have been prevented but unfortunately, uncertainty is starting to spread and this is leading to complications such as instability. This is what we, the government, had feared would happen. The people of Ireland should be very afraid. Uncertainty is a slow, painful death and we would not wish it on anyone, except perhaps Vincent Brown. Uncertainty is the very worst thing that could happen. Imagine not knowing whether you will be starving or not? Or not knowing whether you'll be living in poverty or not? Starving people all say they'd rather be sure that they'd watch their children die of hunger while their governments pay back the World Bank, than be uncertain about it. Now that uncertainty and instability have been let into the country and spread by people saying things like Vote No and such, our number one issue must be stamping out uncertainty before it kills again. We have been in constant contact with WHO and IMF and it seems clear that the only way to prevent more deaths is for everyone to Vote Yes in the upcoming referendum. We are implementing a multi- pronged attack against this disease before the vote. We are culling the population in Cork and Kerry. They will be dead but there will be no uncertainty. We will also be selectively culling all non whites as we must be certain that, when we open our front doors, we are not going to be confronted by some darkie. They are very destabilising. Former Councillor Scully is working day and night on that one. Our primary objectives will be getting Ireland's sovereignty back, asset backed derivatives, hedge funds, stemming contagion and stimulating both growth and Leo Varadkar. If we work together we can do this thing. Don't let anyone else die.     

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