Friday, 13 April 2012

Bushjazzle: Could The Hairy Vagina Craze Actually Take Off?

Rio: We've all heard of some wacky things going on in the female nether regions of late but the latest craze that could be coming to a pubic area near you could be the final straw for women trying to keep up with naughty grooming trends.
Could this vision of normality become a thing of the past?   

 Dr Maverick Abustein of the Patriarchy Institute of Cosmetic Surgery in Los Angeles explains what the latest procedure entails, "We've found that women feel that they've taken things as far as they can go with their vaginas without recourse to surgery. They are looking, (and they have every right as women who own their own vaginas), to take that step towards what we at the clinic like to call, the Pubic Edge. Vajazzling has become boring and the fact is, that close up, it's just some Chinese made plastic bits, stuck to a vagina and we all know how thoroughly disgusting vaginas can be. We are offering women a choice, we offer surgical addition of hair and other vaginal accessories to enhance this most vile of areas. The surgery can be painful but it is cathartic for women to cleanse themselves of the old and bring in this new radical idea of vagina."
Several of Dr Abustein's former patients were happy to talk to PornCrabCombo about their experiences. Alannah Valdarama says she's very pleased with the results. "This mightn't be for everyone. It is a bit radical to have your entire pubic area covered with hair but then I have always been a bit punky. I had done all the other stuff, then I thought, 'How far can I push this? Let me see where my vagina can take me'. I had heard about Dr Abustein's work with labia and I just called him up and asked did he think we could do something a little more radical than vajazzling. He had just completed his first Pubic Hair Transplant on a woman. She died following surgery but she paved the way for women like me. I had the surgery done over the course of several months. It involves drilling hundreds of tiny holes into the pubic area and literally, transplanting hair into those holes. The first operation was completed using horse hair but the technology has moved on now and I had mine done with a mixture of Angora and Pekinese dog hair. I am on high doses of immuno-suppressants but it's worth it. I'm doing this for me, no one else and that feels good."
Toxana  De Fuckwit, another of Dr Abustein's happy clients said, "I've had the full pubic hair implant and I was so happy with the results that I went for labia implants too.Labia are like pieces of flesh you add to a standard vagina. I went for uneven labia. Asymmetrical is very much in at present. I thought about it for a long time and I realised I had to try something new. The procedures were painful and I had to sell a kidney to pay Dr Abustein but when I look at my Bushjazzle and my asymmetrical labia it puts a smile on my face that makes all the post-op pain and the paralysis worthwhile. I hope, with physio, to walk unaided soon too. It's given me confidence.Icannow walk into a room at a party and know that I won't bump into a woman with the same vagina. That's worth all the tea in China to me. "
Dr Abustein had the last word, "The science is not perfect yet but we're getting there. At present we are are lobbying government to allow foetal stem cell research in this most vital of areas. If we get the go ahead, we expect that within the next 5 to 10 years we could be seeing women, using foetal stem cells, growing their own pubic hair. Once grown, on the tongue or in the ears, the hair can then be transplanted to the pubic area. This will eliminate any immuno reaction. It's hard to imagine now but this really is where we'd like to see this thing going. For many women having a 'normal' vagina is fine but for some, who need that little bit of weird in their lives, it's a mental health issue. It is radical surgery but it can restore the confidence of these women. I can do this. I see this as my calling in life." 

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