Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Michael Noonan: Sunshine Moratorium Until Certainty Is Restored

Rio: Michael Noonnan announced a moratorium on sunshine today in the run up to the referendum on the Fisting Treaty.
Michael Noonan Gets Fisty

He hissed, "Yiz gat a little taster of what could be in ssstore for yiz over the past week. We've switched the good weather off for the day to show yiz how utterly shite it'll be if yiz vote No on Thursssdy. A few lovely daysss given to yiz by the Fine Gael, courtesy of the EU. It feelsss good, don't it? If yiz vote Yesss on Thursssdy, we're going to switch it back on indefinitely.Yiz'll be able to have Bob Marley blasting out 24/7. It'll be ssssunny all the time except when yiz want it sssnowy for the ssskiiing heh heh. We need certainty. Without certainty yiz are all going to die. All the nursssessss and dactorsss will die first. Then,maybe firemen or street cleaners or teachers or something. Where will yiz be then? Nurssesss and dactorss need certainty in order to breath. Yiz wouldn't underssstand all this because it ssscientific but I'm sssscientificer than any of you, sssso I know. Then everyone else will die. The treesss will rat and the sky will turn yellah..the seas will rise and ssswamp everything. Certainty is a vital constituent of the air we breath, yiz'll all die without it. Voting Yesss will put more certainty into the air. Vote Yessss and the EU will sswitch an the ssunsshine permanently, people will live forever and everyone will be beautiful. BMW's will be free and Gin and Tonic will run from your tapsss into your new Franke double sinks. Yes is more certain than No. No has a hint of instability about it. Azzz we all know from experience, in this country, No can easily be changed to Yessss but funnily enough, Yesss can't be changed to No. Yesss is final. In terms of Irish referenda on EU treaties, Yesss is the only answer that provides certainty. No votes are sssoooo uncertain that we often have to have another referendum in order to produce a nice ssstable Yesss.  Yesss is so stable that when it mixes with Fisty Rectaltude, it produces vast quantities of certainty. We all want that. Sssso, you know what to do on Thursssdy...Vote Yesss for Sssssunshine, Jacuzzi bathssss and the certainty that we won't be having another referendum.

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