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Irish Presidential Race And Referenda: Enda Says Keep Them Crazy Ass Stories Comin' Lads

Rio: Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, speaking at an Irish Media Awards Dinner that he was hosting in his own home, thanked the Irish media for its excellent handling of the Irish Presidential Election.

Dana, Still Smiling Through The Murder Attempts

Occupy X: Irish Media Unable To Find Dame Street, Dublin

Rio: Shockingly, the Irish media has been attacked, once more, by a bizarre disability. "We're seeing similar phenomena in the US, Australia, in fact anywhere where an occupation of some landmark site is taking place. The representatives of the mainstream media of that country appear completely incapable of locating the occupied site and therefore, are unable to report on the matter at all. It's very difficult for the journalists involved. They so want to get down there but they just can't", said Professor Brendan Drumm from the Centre of Politically Communicable Diseases.

Non Existent Occupy Dame Street

Minister For Snideness, Michael Noonan: "Debt Forgiveness For Mortgage Holders Would Be Unfair To Banks

Rio: The Interdepartmental Working Group set up to investigate possible methods to assist the hundreds of thousands of homeowners who are in unpayable mortgage debt, delivered its report today. The report was hand written and illuminated by 8th century Irish monks who's bodies had been re-animated at the request of the government, at a cost of 750 million euros to the Irish taxpayer.

A Heavily Indebted Couple Who Were Delighted To Hear Today That They'll No Longer Be Homeowners. "We had no windows and we couldn't get up the stairs anyway. We're delighted. Look at  me mane blowing in the wind, amn't I da bomb like"

Irish Presidential Race:Irish Media Hit By Freak Illness

Rio: There have been no fatalities as yet but the mystery illness sweeping Ireland continues to claim more victims. A multidisciplinary team has been gathered in a specialist unit at the Mater Hospital to deal with the outbreak. Professor Eugene Murphy who is heading up the team spoke at a press conference today,

Barry Egan As The Illness Took Hold Today

Obama: Europe's In Financial Trouble, Everything's Cool And Unoccupied In The US

Rio: President Obama, speaking from a presidential strategy conference being held at George Bush's home, gave words of sympathy to financially beleaguered European leaders today. President Obama answered questions during a ten minute recess between the 'Compromise: The Republican Way' and  'Find Your Fascist Heart' sessions.

A Completely Empty Wall Street Today