Wednesday, 21 March 2012

"Gays Caused Our Marriage Breakdown!!"

Rio: In ever greater numbers, people are coming forward to tell their tales of heartache and lost love. Marriage breakdown is painful for all parties but is especially so, when outside forces are the primary cause of the break-up.

A Bride Who Just Discussed Gay Marriage
 A recent Catholic Church report on gay marriage has found that, increasingly, heterosexual marriages are coming under pressure from the very idea of gay marriage. Mon Senior Hefty, the chief author of the report, 'Gays: Shit,aren't they"?' said today, "We were saddened but not surprised by the report's findings. We've been saying this for years; the very notion of gay marriage devalues heterosexual marriage in much the same way as a black fella' moving in next door to you, devalues your home. It's simple fact."
Dermot O'Mahony, a, formerly, happily, heterosexually, married man said, "I loved my wife. She was great. Gorgeous, intelligent but not too intelligent, funny in a womany sort of way, great in bed.. she had it all. We had lots of lovely children. We lived in a lovely house. We both had good jobs and a great social life. Then, one night, we were at a dinner party. Admittedly, a lot of drink had been had. We began to discuss the prospect of full gay marriage being made legal in Ireland. I don't remember much after that but I know my wife and I did not make love that night. In fact, we never made love again. The next morning I woke up and looked at my wife. She looked like a pig. I hated her. I couldn't be bothered to speak to her anymore. What's the point in having a wife if some gay can have one too? I threw her and the kids out shortly afterwards. I mean, what's the damn point in having kids, if some gay might import some of his own from Africa or some such. Life became pointless after that discussion. I rue the day I ever spoke about gay marriage."
Marika Garmin-Murphy, another contributor to the report, offered, " I had a rock solid marriage. I loved my husband to bits. Then, one morning, I was sitting having a Fig Roll, when I started thinking about gay marriage. I only thought about it for about 5 minutes but that was enough to infect my brain and devalue my marriage. Our friends used to say, 'Look at youse, aren't yiz brilliant, being married an' all?' Everyone thought we were cool. I got several promotions at work simply because I was in a heterosexual marriage and my husband got 5 numbers in the Lotto, not once but twice, because of it!. After I thought about gay marriage, no one admired us anymore. I lost my job and we do 6 Quickpicks, without fail, on a Wednesday and Saturday. We haven't had more than 2 numbers and the bonus in the past 6 months. Gay marriage made our marriage pointless. I mean, if you're not better than the gays, who are you better than?"
Mary Shortall, an unmarried 19 year old said, "My dream was to get married some day, to a man. My wedding day would have been the best day of my life but now that I've heard that gays might get to have wedding days too, I can't be arsed.They wrecked my dream."  

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