Friday, 27 May 2011

David Cameron, Angela Merkel, Nicolas Sarkozy Publish Axis Of Weevils List

Rio: In an extraordinary move by three of the world's most loved leaders, David Cameron, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy have published a list of names of countries which form what they call the 'Axis of Weevils'. "These are countries, the populations of which, are completely out of control. They burrow like weevils, into your metaphorical food and you are left with nothing but an empty flour  sack or wheat husk. They destroy crops and eat your dogs. No, sorry, that's the Chinese.
They're terrible too. They eat dogs and destroy the atmosphere but they are different from weevils. Naturally, Iceland tops the list. It is plainly not in tune with European democracy. It threatens world peace with it's religious tolerance and freedoms. It sticks two fingers up at what we hold dear, when its President listens to the voices of the people who elected him. It has tried to destroy Ryanair two years in a row with noxious volcanic fumes. Second on the list is Greece. Its population is dangerous beyond measure. They will not accept what the EU and IMF is doing to help them. Third on the list is Spain. The EU and IMF haven't gone near them yet but they are already causing an enormous fuss. Peacefully sitting in their beautiful squares. They must be stopped. This is what the Lisbon Treaty was designed to do. We will be taking troops from around Europe and of course, this includes some of those states which are on the Axis of Weevils list. They signed up to it. That's what real European democracy is about. We will use their own troops against them. Of course, Iceland has no army. Another sign of its evil nature.", Nicolas Sarkozy panted.
When questioned as to why Ireland did not feature as a member of the Axis of Weevils, Angela Merkel stated, "Ireland is where it should be in terms of the work it is doing. The population is where it should be at this time, on its knees. The various initiatives implemented by the Irish governent are working, cutting low paid workers wages, making the public pay the banks' debts, the 'Eat Cock, Live Free' scheme are all starting to bear fruit. The world is a safer place thanks to what Ireland is doing." 
David Cameron would only comment on the list topper, Iceland, screaming, "The Prime Minister is a lesbian and we  have a dossier that proves that she has been covertly promoting gayness throughout the heterosexual world. If she pressed a button the whole of the UK could be turned gay in 45 minutes"

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