Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Richard Bruton: Hairdressers and bar staff, you'll rule no more!

Rio: Minister for Evil, Richard Bruton told Irish Goddess, Miriam O'Callaghan, today that he is only doing what's necessary and right in an effort to help Ireland's economic plight. As he writhed around in the studio chair in RTE, fondling his tail, he told Miriam
"I know there are those who won't stand up against the vested interests in this country. Even some of my own party colleagues are trying to undermine me on this issue, but I'm afraid it'll do them no good whatsover.
 I've been living underground for many centuries now, burying me won't work. The root of Ireland's current economic woes can be found in the salons, cafes and bars of this once great country. This country is known abroad as 'The Empire of Hairdressing'. They have been taking the money out of ordinary people's pockets for years. The bar staff would steal the eye out of your baby's head if you left it in the buggy behind you while you had a few pints. They have brought ruin upon this country and they are laughing at the rest of us. Sneering at us all with their minimum wage and their free exercise while they work. Howling with laughter as they get paid extra for working on a Sunday. Well, no more. I'm going to stamp this out. I'm going to create jobs by cutting the wages of the lowest paid. This is sound economic thinking. They've caused the problem in the first place."
Miriam asked, " Aren't the problems more likely to have been caused by extremely high earners, with enormous bonuses, predicated upon pushing more debt upon ordinary people?"
The Minister for Evil replied, "Noooo", shaking his head.
Miriam asked, "Why not Minister? How can these low paid workers be the cause of the problem and the source of the solution?"
Tapping his hooves impatiently, the Minister responded, "I don't expect that blondie head of yours to get around this difficult economic stuff, with sums and things but put simply, (and it is simple), there are more of them than there are really highly paid people! Simple sums Miriam. There are loads of them and they are freeloading thieves. When I am finished with these waiters, bar staff and hairdressers and they stop earning the vast fortunes they have been doing, this country will be back on an even keel. Once we've crushed this menace it's onwards and upwards. It's the European way!"

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