Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Irish Minister for Puke Announces New Slavery Act

Rio: In a statement today, Minister for Puke, Phil Hogan, announced an exciting new finance raising initiative.
"It is written on the stone tablets of the Memorandum of Understanding for the IMF/EU loans, which we have been generously given by the Kings of the World, that Ireland's greatest asset is its people. We, the government, democratically elected, have decided to 'monetise' Ireland by selling that asset. We have already sold or given all other assets to the Queen of England, (blessed be her name) and the US President, ( soft may the ground be beneath his blessed feet). Rather than bring in some additional taxes, property and utility, to give to the European banks, we have decided to be clever about this. We have sold the population to those banks.
(Apart from the population of Moneygall, which was gifted to Barack Obama) Aha!! You see? No flies on us! They paid us money for the people and we can now use that money to pay for the interest on the EU/IMF loans. A win- win situation again. I have enacted legislation today, "The New Maturity Slavery Act, whereby, human beings, of an Irish kind, can become the goods and chattels of other, better and more democratic humans. No more worries about mounting taxes or cuts in pay because you won't be getting any pay. Naturally enough, the people will still have to pay the Universal Social Charge and their mortgages. It would be simply unfair to others in Europe who do pay their mortgages to have debt forgiveness here. And the Universal Social Charge is, of course, Universal. The clue's in the name there. No getting out of that, I'm afraid! Unpaid workers will have difficulty with paying these mortgages and the USC but the ECB has come up with an excellent package whereby each person 'borrows' the amount they owe on a monthly basis. Naturally, the amount owed will build up as one has very little chance of repaying it when one earns nothing. However, the EU Finance Ministers have agreed that each Irish slave will be released from their debt upon death and the debt will move to their next of kin. It makes sound economic sense. While we are slaves, we can be free. The Eat Cock, Live Free program will run in tandem with the New Maturity Slavery Act. I am sure that the Irish public is sufficiently mature, at this stage, to see that we are moving towards a more democratic and free way of life by becoming slaves. The New Maturity Slavery Act applies only to the adult population as it currently stands. We are hoping that the Pope will visit Ireland next year and we are saving the children for him. We believe he bulk buys. We make money on the double by splitting up adults and children. I tell ye, you'd want to be quick to catch us, hah? The first batch of Irish slaves will be inspected by Jean Claude Trichet next week."

No comments:

Post a Comment