Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Michael Noonan Gets Advice On Getting The Markets To Love Us Again

Rio: Irish Minister for Snideness, Michael Noonan, took to the high seas this week and went to the Promised Land. Knowing that the Irish have lost the love of The Markets, he decided to go and speak to some people who can speak directly to The Markets.
These people live on Wall Street in New York City. He gave offerings of  boned and rolled Irish babies which were all eaten with alacrity by the High Priests of the Bond Markets. The Bond Markets are The Markets but they are also the son of The Markets. The High Priests explained it to the Minister, using their three toed feet. The Markets, The Bond Markets and The Commodity Markets are three but they are part of the One. The Bond Markets are currently very angry with Ireland. Mr. Noonan took advice on what the Irish people need to do to appease The Bond Markets in order that the Irish can borrow enormous amounts of money from them rather than from the IMF, to keep the Bondholders happy. The High Priests flayed Mr Noonan and pulled out some of his fingernails, treatment which he was happy to endure as he is very European and very, very mature. Then in a New York City sweat lodge, the truth of what is required, was revealed to him. It is believed that the Three Secrets of Wall Street were revealed to Mr. Noonan with the understanding that he will only pass on the details to similarly mature Real Europeans and never to the Irish people.

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