Wednesday, 8 June 2011

EU/IMF Guarantees Immortality To All Newly Mature People

Rio: Speaking from the EU/IMF jointly held mansion, made entirely from human teeth, in Strasbourg, Olli Rehn yelped,
"We are delighted today to announce that the EU and IMF can now give the unencumbered gift of immortality to mankind. Only those people who are sufficiently "newly mature" can avail of this gift. In fact, only the "very mature", such as the Irish, will even be able to see what a wonderful gift this is.
We, and the World Bank, amongst others, have been gifting this immortality to various African, South American and Asian countries for many years now. Luckily, we now find ourselves in the position to offer immortality to Europeans. In Africa, you might very well die uneducated, in squalor, from AIDS, Malaria or just plain old starvation but you will live on in the form of your debt. Your debt is something you receive at the moment of conception in Africa. So, it's very important that we heed my brother, the Pope's message that safe abortion should never be made available in Africa. Otherwise, how would little babies in the womb ever come to know their debt gift? If an abortion takes place, that  new person goes straight to financial limbo. We are glad to see that Ireland has been sufficiently mature to both ignore the abortion question,(hence making it unavailable), and to recognise a gift when they get 85 billion euros worth of debt. Would that others could be so mature. Know this, citizens of Ireland, Greece and Portugal, you will all die,(many of you through suicide and stress induced cancers, strokes and brain haemorrhages), but you will live on in the form of your debt. You will pass it on and on, through the generations, until finally, when the Chinese have destroyed the environment and the Spanish have poisoned all the food, mankind will be wiped out. Your debt will not, however. Your debt will remain. Forever encoded into cockroach DNA by marvellous ECB scientists, working in reconditioned Frankfurt bunkers. This, we give you this day."

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