Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Police Explain Delay In Announcement Of Sean Hoare's Death

Rio: Coming out of retirement for one more statement on behalf of the UK Police today, Sir Paul Stephenson, tried to answer questions that have arisen due to the delay in announcing the fact that phone hacking whistleblower Sean Hoare had been found dead at his home.
"There is a simple explanation, not that we expect you public types to understand the intricacies of police investigations, for the delay of almost twelve hours before we made this public. Yes, the police entered the home of Mr. Hoare at approximately 10.30 am but this is the scene that confronted us:

Mr Hoare When Police Arrived
Clearly, someone had not done their job correctly. You really cannot trust immigrant labour. Obviously, we had to take a hands off approach to this matter. It took several hours for Mr Hoare to actually die, during which time we raided his home and destroyed all evidence that Mr Hoare had stored at there, which might incriminate my Lord and Master Rupert or his love pup David Cameron. We had to wait until 15.00 hours to ensure that he had breathed his crispy last. We then, left the house unattended so that it was not secured for evidential purposes until 21.30, when someone remembered that we should really show some sign of making it look like we care about this shit, and called a Forensics Team to go in and out of the house in white overalls a few times. I think this clears things up."

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