Friday, 8 July 2011

David Cameron Shocked at News of the World Debacle

Rio: British Prime Minister entered rehab to , 'have a rest' today. He has been under a lot of 'strain'. On the doorsteps of his rehab facility, Hedonism II in the Caribbean, Mr Cameron read from a statement prepared for him by Andy Coulson, former editor of the News of the World newspaper,

David Cameron Yesterday Listening To A Random Citizen's Phone Messages
" I am appalled at what what was going on at the News of the World. The hacking of private citizen's telephones, some of them the families of murder victims, others just randomers they felt like listening to, came as such a shock to me.
 As I lay back on my chaise longue in 10 Downing Street, with my head lying in Rupert Murdoch's lap, listening to the sobs of private citizens leaving messages for their loved ones recorded on his iPhone, I was disgusted. It came as such a surprise when I made it clear to the police that they were to take no action against anyone in the News International empire, were they to be found recording illegally the private conversations of anyone whose privacy they felt like violating. I was devastated when I took bundles of cash for the Conservative party from Rupert Murdoch and even more devastated when I betrothed my three year old to him as his next wife. I was incredulous when I discovered that I had actually hired Andy Coulson,  Rupert Murdoch's right hand man and former editor of the News of the World. I find it grotesque that all this could be happening. Private citizens of this country being recorded by a newspaper for its own ends! I found it incredible as I watched my hand dial Rupert's number and that I asked him to get private information about conversations some of my rivals were having with their wives. I can't stand how disgusting all of this is. I never would have thought it possible that all of this could be happening, so I am entering Hedonism II to try to get over this complete mental breakdown."

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