Friday, 8 July 2011

Irishman On Board 'Atlantis'- Last Space Shuttle Flight

Rio: In a last minute change of plans, an Irish politician has been added to the crew list of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. The last space shuttle flight, before the shuttle is decommissioned, due to take off from the Kennedy Space Centre, was to have been crewed by  American astronauts only.
 However, a deal was struck in late night negotiations in Hell, between the IMF, EU and the European Space Agency, to allow what they termed, 'a crucial crew member', to join the trip. The completely untrained person who will become an astronaut for the first time today is none other than Minister for Mouthing About Everything, Mr. Leo Varadkar. Mr Varadkar is well known on the Irish political scene as a man who is expert in just about everything. We caught up with Mr Varadkar this morning,

Mr. Vardkar, receiving assistance with his crotch, while exiting the shuttle hangar this morning

"I had no problem answering the call of the IMF/EU to come right down here and do the needful. I may not be trained but I am expert in astronauting. I have brought my own fishbowl for my head, ( as NASA couldn't provide  a helmet big enough), and a load of Killeen plastic bags to wrap myself in.

Mr Vardkar's Head Today
I will be the captain of this ship. Everyone's happy for me to take the helm. They know a leader when they see one. The captain leads from the outside, I will be firmly strapped to the outside of the shuttle with cable ties, which I also brought myself. My role, in the mission  as decided by our very great friends in the IMF is to reach the outer most stretches of the universe and check that the Universal Social Charge is actually universal and is being paid by everyone. There may be aliens or indeed, Irish aliens, out there somewhere who are not aware of their duty to pay massive amounts of money to private corporations. I will be there to make sure those lads pomy up. My inclusion in the trip is being funded by the Irish taxpayer at a cost of 2.75 billion."

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