Monday, 18 July 2011

Phone Hack Whistleblower, Sean Hoare Death Due To Dr. David Kelly Syndrome

Rio: The journalist, Sean Hoare, who blew the lid off the illegal phone hacking scheme, when he stated that Andy Coulson, until recently, David Cameron's Communications Advisor, had specifically asked him to hack the phones of the people about whom he was writing, when Andy was his editor at the News of the World newspaper, was found dead in his home today. He was due to give evidence about what he knew to an investigating Commons committee tomorrow. Recently resigned head of the Metropolitan Police and personal friend of everyone in News International, Sir Paul Stephenson, released a statement on behalf of the Police.

Body Of Sean Hoare As It Was Found
"I feel it is my duty, although I have resigned, as both a top notch policeman and a person with inside knowledge of all things related to News International, to be the person who brings this news to the public. Sadly, Mr Hoare, who was an alcoholic and a drug addict and kicked dogs and children every chance he got, was found dead this morning. We kept it quiet all day and if you look up Google it doesn't appear as a top headline and Sky and BBC won't be reporting it for a while because we needed to do a very thorough investigation. During this investigation, we found, definitively, that this poor hopeless, granny robber, simply killed himself. He was, obviously, so sad at what he had done by being a cowardly type who wrecked Rebekah's career, that he simply topped himself. He knew the public were disgusted at his rotten behaviour, so he ended it all. It is not our custom but we decided to release this picture to make it clear that this was the case. We found a typed suicide note which corroborates our story at the scene. Rebekah Brooks edited it this evening and it will be made public exclusively, in The Sun tomorrow"
British Prime Minister and personal friend of just about everyone who works for News International when asked for a comment about the death of the man who would have, tomorrow, possibly brought his political career to an end said,
"I am so, so sad for this poor wretch. I believe he was an alcoholic, drug taking fantasist. I really, really wanted to hear what he had to say about all this phone hacking business because I really, really wanted to get to the bottom of this. Alas, that was not to be. Andy "Hacker" Coulson, has advised me that the word is he killed himself. Poor man. Apparently, he was suffering from what is termed in the business, ' Dr.David Kelly Syndrome'. His lies drove him to kill himself. Andy gave me some photos, taken by secret cameras installed by News International in Mr. Hoare's home. Luckily, they capture the moment when this poor freak stabbed himself in the back.

Mr Hoare Committing Suicide

 See how the sad monster reaches around and stabs himself? One notes how this covert recording can actually be of great benefit. It's not all bad you see! Illegal breaches of people's privacy can benefit us all."


  1. Police have now confirmed that he committed suicide by shooting himself 57 times in the head. Case closed.

  2. Really? We heard the latest news is, he was an Islamic fundamentalist and he decapitated himself with a machete.