Monday, 12 September 2011

Obama: US Will Bomb Tehran As 9/11 Tribute

Rio: President Obama yesterday revealed that the US wishes to pay a further tribute to the victims of the September 11th 2001 attacks. In a statement made after the 10th anniversary ceremonies were finished at Ground Zero, the President unveiled the innovative design of the tribute. A lengthy tendering process came to an end when the Pentagon won the highly prized job of designing and constructing the tribute, with its 'Bomb and Invade Iran' design.

The Pentagon's Winning Design

 "Today we feel sadness. We grieve our heroic dead. Unfortunately, there just wasn't enough room at the ceremony for firefighters and police officers but they can rest assured, that we, the politicians and various wealthy people, were much better able than they, to represent the many hundreds of firefighters and police officers who lost their lives trying to save others on that fateful day 10 years ago. We've built and really respectful fountain cum lake as a permanent tribute to the bravery of all those that died all those years ago. However, just as my predecessor, President Bush, marked the actual 9/11 event so fittingly with the invasion of Iraq and the coining of the phrase, the War on Terror, this administration must pay tribute to the victims and their families in a more fulsome manner. It is estimated that somewhere in the region of 1 million Iraqi civilians have died so far due to sanctions and then due directly to the US invasion. This was a fine mark of respect to each of the 9/11 victims. The families of 9/11 victims have personally thanked President Bush for the deaths of these people. Of course, there is the ongoing total destruction of Afghanistan, which also shows the esteem in which the US administration holds the 9/11 victims. However, it would be unbecoming of the office of President of this fine country if I did not mark the 10th anniversary of the barbaric and  yet distinctly, TV friendly act, with a new piece of work. The Pentagon has been awarded the opportunity to create this masterpiece, after a very fair and unbiased process. This will be a piece of art, an installation, if you will. There will be an initial blanket bombing phase with very clever bombs, mostly in Tehran. We will destroy the infrastructure completely except for some arterial roads. We will destroy education and health facilities, ensuring maximum mental and physical destruction of the people. We would hope that many civilians will die due to unsanitary conditions and lack of medicines. We are hoping for a tribute of 1000 Iranian deaths for every death that occurred on September 11th in the US. We will be including in that calculation, US deaths which were completely unrelated to the terrorist attacks but which occurred on 9/11 2001. To do otherwise would be unpatriotic. We will take the oil fields and then, employ many thousands of US construction and engineering workers to rebuild what we have destroyed. Not to mention the security contractors, of which we will need at least 2 million. This installation will be patriotic not only in the sense of honouring our patriotic dead but also patriotic in the way it will feed into my jobs plan. We envisage at least 10 million new jobs for patriotic US citizens in the new Iran. The families of the 9/11 victims have told me that they will finally get closure and feel that their loved ones have been fully honoured when they see a mushroom cloud where Tehran once stood and live footage of Iranian children dying in their honour. It is what the 9/11 victims would have wanted and former President Bush has told me that God told him it's what he wants too. Goodbye and may God bless America" 

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