Sunday, 7 August 2011

David Cameron: No Riots In Tottenham

Rio: After a night of violent protest in Tottenham, British Prime Minister spoke to the media from his holiday home in Mogadishu.
"There's been a lot of talk about this next song, maybe, maybe too much talk. This song is not a rebel song, this song is Sunday Bloody Sunday"
He was whisked away from the podium that had been hastily erected on the backs of crouching, starving, (but Islamist), children and returned, apologetically, moments later.
"I am frightfully sorry about that. I thought I was speaking to the Mick youth contingent for a moment. In fact, I am speaking to my homeboys back in London, innit? I can confirm that there have been no riots in Tottenham, London. If there had been, I would of seen it man innit?

Mr Cameron Being Briefed On Matters Occurring In London Last Night

I said to my boys yesterday, "What Ho, what's occurrin' back in London, homies innit? I have been fully updated and I flew past Tottenham last night on my magic dragon Maggie's back. There weren't nuffin' occurrin' except a bit of fun. I mean why would the people be rioting? There ain't nuffin' to riot abaaat, maaan. Myself and my friends regularly go out joshing wiv my mates daan Tottenham way.
A Younger David Cameron And Friends Down Tottenham Way
Aaah, the jolly japes I do 'av wiv my posse daan Tottenham way. I wasn't able to be there last night but through my thorough viewing of footage and my bird's eye view from Maggie's back, I can assure everyone that the people did not rise up last night. Why would they? We are all still one very happy family. Let's big it up for the Big Society, maaan. Tally Ho!"

No comments:

Post a Comment