Rio: In a joint statement, made at the White House this morning, President Obama and Acting Head of the CIA, Michael Morell, sent out a message of gratitude to Colonel Gaddafi.
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| Photo Of Colonel Gaddafi Issued to Every American Household |
"On this fine American morning, myself and Acting Director Morell, would like to send thanks to the vicious Dictator, Colonel Gaddafi. We were very badly in need of a new bogeyman, as you all know. What with our swashbuckling heroics a while back, with the attendant heroic rapid identification and burial at sea in accordance with Muslim tradition of the former bogeyman, Osama Bin Laden, we've been left with no real person to fill the role. We were worried that Colonel Gaddafi might back down and hand over power but thankfully, he kept on keeping on. Our 20,000 heavily armed advisers ferried 10 rebels last night into the Dictator's compound and gave him plenty of time to get the hell outta there. Luckily, he took the opportunity and whadd'ya know, we can't find that sucker. Whadd'ya gonna do? We are hoping that the Colonel will stay hidden for a protracted amount of time. This will give us time to fully install Tony Blair as the Libyan Sultan and will give us, the Democratic Freedom Love Party of NATO, the opportunity to bring really oily democracy to these poor people. This is a time of transition for Libya and we don't want any instability that might arise from him being found quickly. The Republican Party would also like me to point out that they need a long search for the bogeyman in order to keep the public happy with the enormous defense budgets, on which they will be having me sign off. Mr Morell would also like to send out a personal message to the Dictator, 'Thanks for helping me justify my position and thanks for the bottle of Bowmore last Christmas'. We will be issuing further updates for the safety and security of the American public and the world. This one's real dangerous. Be afraid, people. Goodbye and may God bless America!"
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