Irish Presidential Race: How Gay Is Too Gay?

Rio: The race for the Aras is hotting up. The candidate leading in the polls, Senator David Norris, has removed himself from consideration. An Taoiseach, Enda Kenny commenting yesterday on the controversial campaigns for and against Mr Norris, said,

"Look lads, yiz know me, I can come on strong with the Catholic Church. I'm a flippin' hero for feck's sake. Did yiz hear what I said to them? I said to them I says, 'Yiz can't rape our children. It's against the law now' If I can be that brave lads and say that to some fellas in dresses who have no actual power over anyone at all, then yiz can't argue with me over anything else.That fella David Norris is gone and good feckin' riddance. No, it had nothing to do with him being a manhole inspector. Sure didn't I welcome that President of America fella here, no problem? And he's feckin' black lads. Not pure breed, I grant ye but yiz wouldn't mistake him for me brother or anything. That's how liberal I am lads.  Let's be clear about this, I have no problem with filthy dungpushers whatsoever. David Norris is a liberal, humanitarian. Sure, I have no problem with that either lads. It's the fact that he's a bad man, writing letters in support of other butt buddies. That's bad, That means he was too gay. I have it on good authority that this was the outfit that Norris had already selected  for his inauguration,

Senator David Norris's Inauguration Outfit

Now, that wouldn't do, would it? On the other hand, the people seem to like this gay stuff. So, against my better judgement, we've provided yiz with gay alternatives. I hate Gay Mitchell but he is pure feckin' Gay. And he did go pleading for mercy for someone on death row in the States but at least it wasn't for some black retard or gay feckin' socialist who'd been fitted up. It was for a very handsome admitted double murdering anti choice fella. I'm all for no choices, me. Then, because I hate Gay Mitchell, I've drummed up another gay choice for you; the big mammy of the nation, Gay Byrne. Now that's as gay as I think we should go. My bestos in Europe and America are really happy with Gay Byrne or even Gay Mitchell. So yet again, I've given the people what they want, another win-win situation"