Rio: In leaked secret cables from the US embassy in Dublin to the Emperor of the World back in the Promised Land, the Ambassador makes clear how happy he is with the improvements in attitude of the Irish people,
"They're really coming on, for a bunch of thicks, your Lordship. In the bad old days, Irish politicians were exactly the same as they are today, they knew what Real Democracy was. Unfortunately, as you know Sire, there were still some pockets of Undemocracy amongst the populace.
People who, frankly, just wouldn't listen to their Real Democracy leaders and shut the hell up and have another pint of the blackstuff. A case in point is that Shannon 5 group and their Undemocratic supporters on that jury who let them off. They're at the extreme end of terrorism, with their peaceful Christian values and their not wanting to pay for Iraqi people to be killed. Well, I told the government at the time that that was the limit! An independent judiciary, independent juries?? WTF? I said to Bertie, 'Y'all'd wanna wise up babycakes! get with the "new maturity" programme. I told him, 'Those Poles are gonna show y'all a thing or two'. Did Bertie put down this lack of democracy with a firm hand? Did he, hell! Your predecessor came to visit the Emerald Isle, there were Irish Anti Democracy protestors hanging around everywhere, hollering at him! There were people down in Shannon constantly hootin' n' tootin' about human rights and not supporting torture flights. I told Bertie. 'We've had enough. If y'all can't get your people to be "mature", we're gonna show them what really mature people do.' The "super mature" Poles helped us out here a little by signing that Missile Defence Agreement, so the former Emperor gave them a big ol' gift of Dell, just to say thanks. I told Bertie, I said ' They have only themselves to blame, those little Limerick Leprechauns. They could have had nice jobs for life but they just weren't mature enough. They had to moan and spit about a few thousand military personnel and some democratic torture flights, when, meanwhile, those mature Poles invited us into their country to torture in some lovely reconditioned secret locations and gave us some great sites for our missile silos all over the place. Oh man, now that's maturity! Since we took Dell away though, the Irish seemed to have learned their lesson. Your 'Is feidir linn' thing went down a treat. They were all dazzled by your teeth.They haven't batted an eyelid when we got rid of that David Norris, (another Shannon protestor), from the top spot in the Presidential race. We've helped democratically appoint Pat Cox instead. They've sold or given away most of the country to ourselves, the UK, Germany and France. Not a peep! Brilliant. So, so mature. So, that's all for today. I'm a gonna eat me some Irish baby for dinner. I'm sending you over a pallet of stuffed ones for the White House freezer. Enjoy!"
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