Angela Merkel Reveals Spanish Poisoning Plot

Rio: In an unprecedented announcement this week, Angela Merkel revealed the precise source of the E.Coli outbreak which has resulted in the deaths of 17 Germans.
"We have traced the particular E.Coli strain to a cucumber from Almeria in Spain. We had thought that Spain sank into the sea many years ago and that there was nothing South of the Pyrenees, (nothing democratic and European, that is). Apparently, it's still there though, festering in the sun. Out of this pit of vipers has emerged this deliberate poisoning scheme, a plot to kill, by the foulest means, good democratic European Germans.
 As everyone knows, E. Coli is a bactertium found in human fecal matter. It doesn't take an intelliegnt democratic European to work out how these Spanish savages managed to get this bacterium onto a cucumber! This is not the first time the Spanish have tried to wipe out real Europeans. I'm quite sure everyone recalls how the Spaniards poisoned the wells all over Germany causing the plague that wiped out millions in the 14th century! Oh, excuse me, that was someone else but the Spaniards certainly did do this cucumber buggery poisoning thing. They want to destroy real democracy. They think that if they wipe out,we, the real Europeans, then their mayhem and dubious eating and sexual practices will take over the world. They eat their young and dabble in black magic. Spain is practically Satan's stomping ground. They have to be stopped, we will be speaking with our NATO counterparts at the weekend and we expect a military intervention within the next few weeks. No, this revelation has nothing whatsoever to do with these mythical protests that the Spaniards are spreading around the world. I have no idea what you are talking about. This is about Real Democracy, European Democracy triumphing over dangerous poisoners. We're used to this sort of onslaught in Germany, we've dealt with this kind of threat before."

* Latest News: Angela Merkel has stated that the German health authorities have no way of knowing where the E. Coli virus came from. She apologised for saying it came from a Spanish cucumber but advised that those people who became ill but survived the E. Coli outbreak have been seen wearing long frilled dresses, handling castantets and clapping very fast.