"We are very happy that this decision has been taken. Pat Cox has been sucking and munching the appropriate European appendages and orifices for many, many years. (We didn't call him Cox for nothing). The EU thinks that not only does Ireland deserve a person of his character and affiliations but so does the rest of the EU and the world. Not only is he a federalist, (which is marvellous), but he is also a Pan Political Everyman.
He has been a Fianna Fail member, a Progressive Democrat, an Independent, (we do laugh at that one), and now he's going to be a member of the best Irish political party of them all, Fine Gael. We are sure that this means that he is loved by everyone of every, (important), political creed. It shows just how European and democratic he is. This proves, in our opinion, that he is person of real integrity and conviction who can be really flexible in his thinking. Flexibility is an attribute that is most important for Real Europeans hailing from Ireland. It doesn't end there of course. As you know, Pat Cox is actually, a very large maggot. Not only does he live on necrotic tissue in living creatures, (most useful when you need a big clean up done), but he can also be parasitic. He is that flexible! There are a number of uses for this. We envisage Pat coming into contact with several of your problem necrotic areas, such as Joe Higgins or Luke Minger Flanagan. These lumps of rotting flesh on an otherwise blemish free Irish body politic can be easily gobbled up by Pat the Maggot Cox. On the international scene, we see his parasitic attributes coming into play. He can easily invade the body of any irritating scum and bobs your uncle, they are no longer undemocratic and un European. I believe the IMF spokesman, who's just taking off his chambermaid's outfit, will speak more on this matter."
The IMF spokesman, taking the podium from behind, howled,
"Look at this picture of Pat, being held in the hand of God,
he really is a beauty isn't he? Divine really. Why else would God be holding Pat Cox like that? We see him, with his human suit on, dealing with that disgustingly anti democratic Icelandic President first. I, personally, want to watch as Pat eats him from the inside out. Class. That's all we have to say at present. Pat is the democratically elected next President of Ireland and the Irish don't even have to pay for an expensive election that they, clearly, can't afford. It's in the Memorandum of Understanding. Another win-win situation."
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