David Cameron Full Statement On Phone Hacking Crisis

Rio: From the gates of the Hellmouth, David Cameron released a definitive statement on the phone hacking crisis in an effort to draw a line under the debacle,

Mr. Cameron Measures Puppy Girth

"I am, as you all know, very posh indeed. I'm an Eton man. This means, not only that I enjoy being caned on my bare botty while I suck my thumb but also that you, the public, must listen to what I say. I am, to be frank, better than you. You've always understood this. I am not as hugely better than you as say, the Queen is but still way, way better than you. So, when I say that everything's alright, take it, that everything's alright.
I will do precisely what I like, with whom I like, where I like and when I like. Just don't worry your empty little heads about this matter of phone hacking or the death of this whistleblower Sean Hoare. Yes, he died of Dr. David Kelly syndrome and we all know why he had to die but frankly, what are you lot going to do about it? I'm posh and rich and powerful, my bestos Rupert, James and Rebekah are super rich too. We've been running the show for centuries and you've all stayed quiet and let us get on with it. So, chaps, keep up the good work. Accept the stories about Sean Hoare dying of suicide or natural causes blah, blah, blah or you'll feel another 'appalling vista' coming on.Tally ho and all that. I'm off to put this doggy where the sun don't shine as our American cousins might say. Run off and read The Sun and The Daily Mail won't you, like good chaps.Toodle Pip.