Irish Presidential Race: Martin Mc Guinness To Feature In New Monkey Sex Scandal

Rio: Sources close to the Furher, Enda Kenny, have revealed that he has become enraged yet again and is unable to function either in his role as Taoiseach or as Nicolas Sarkozy's gimp, at present. "He's going mental since Martin Mc Guinness of Sinn Fein entered the Irish presidential race", a source said. One of our sources provided us with a copy of a secretly taped conversation between Mr Kenny and some of his aides, believed to have been recorded in the Department of An Taoiseach.
Kenny:"What the feck are we going to do now lads? We got rid of two Gays who would have blown our Gay out of the water,   ahem..in more ways than one.

Obama: US Will Bomb Tehran As 9/11 Tribute

Rio: President Obama yesterday revealed that the US wishes to pay a further tribute to the victims of the September 11th 2001 attacks. In a statement made after the 10th anniversary ceremonies were finished at Ground Zero, the President unveiled the innovative design of the tribute. A lengthy tendering process came to an end when the Pentagon won the highly prized job of designing and constructing the tribute, with its 'Bomb and Invade Iran' design.

The Pentagon's Winning Design

Irish Minister For Snideness, Michael Noonan, Explains Debt Forgiveness

Rio: Michael Noonan, Minister for Snideness,(Snide), in an exclusive interview, with PornCrabCombo,(PCC), conducted in a bunker deep inside Lug na Coille, explained the issues surrounding debt forgiveness. In recent days, the Irish government has acknowledged, for the first time, that there may be difficulties arising from the fact that no one in Ireland can afford to pay their mortgage and eat. Mr Noonan, last week, signalled that there would be some moves, by the government, to deal with the issue in due course and that, as a matter of fact, some of the many billions of taxpayers money that has been handed to the banks was intended to assist overburdened mortgage holders, in just this situation.

Noonan and Varadkar Meet To Discuss Frontloading the Pain